My friends Russell and Janet died recently. But that’s not what this is about. It’s about what we do in life and how we’re remembered by those who know us.

I met Janet Gray and Russell Luke, a couple of theatre professionals, when I took a job at a theatre in Jackson, Mississippi. They were a delightful couple. Janet was lovely and intense, and Russell reminded me of Tennessee Williams, whose plays he loved. He also shared my affinity for Eugene Walter. By the time I moved to Jackson, Janet had already left and was working as a costume designer and professor at a university in South Carolina.

My time in Jackson was brief. Russell, a director and stage manager, moved on to South Carolina to teach and be with Janet. I moved on to a gig at Alabama Shakespeare Festival. In those days, Alabama Shakespeare Festival was a repertory theatre and I would host Janet and Russell when they arrived for a few days each summer to catch the rep.

We also ran into each other every March at the Southeastern Theatre Conference (SETC) convention. It was held in a different city each year and we usually managed at least one meal together.  Over time, we formalized our annual meal to a dinner on Saturday, the last night of the convention, finding just the right combination of menu and ambiance in a variety of Southern cities.

Kitty and Patty, my friends from graduate school, also attended the theatre conference annually, representing their college in Florida. We quickly became a group of five and our Saturday night dinners became a cherished tradition that eventually – for me, at least – superseded the week’s other activities.

At each of these meals, Russell would quietly excuse himself toward dinner’s end. He would just as quietly return. A few minutes later, a server would arrive with a tray of five Brandy Alexanders for the table. This was Russell’s annual parting gesture for the group. The evening ended with a toast and a vow to reconvene a year later in another city.

Twice during those years, the convention was held in Mobile. On Saturday night, the five of us piled into my car and headed across Mobile Bay to the Eastern Shore. The first of our Eastern Shore dinners was at the Wash House, a restaurant in Point Clear. The by-now requisite tray of Brandy Alexanders appeared to end the evening.

This tradition went on for years. The last time the five of us gathered together was at the convention in Louisville in 2020. Janet had some health problems, but the prognoses seemed promising. It was a lovely, relaxing evening, culminating in a tray of Brandy Alexanders and a promise to do it again in Memphis in 2021.

The next week, everything shut down for COVID-19.

During the pandemic, there was no 2021 convention. I kept up with Russell about Janet’s health problems. There were challenges but Russell always assured me that they were doing “okay.”

In March 2022, SETC finally had its on-site Memphis convention. Kitty and Patty were unable to come and our group of five became three. I had retired and was rotating off the SETC magazine editorial board and had announced that 2022 would be my final SETC. At the restaurant on Saturday night, Russell did his usual disappearing act, Brandy Alexanders arrived, and we toasted our missing friends, Kitty and Patty. As the dessert course wound down, Russell said he felt like we should order one more round in honor of my last SETC.

After that final SETC, Janet began to have more serious health problems. Russell was dealing with health issues, too, although he never said much about it. In our final communication, in late-spring 2023, Russell said they were preparing to go to a reception in honor of Janet’s retirement and that things were going “as well as can be expected.” SETC will be in Mobile in 2024 and Russell said that he and Janet were discussing coming down if they were able. Since I wouldn’t be attending, he suggested I come down anyway and we could go to the Eastern Shore for dinner on Saturday night. I promised to think about it.

While running errands on November 14, I received word that Russell had died that day and that Janet had preceded him in death on October 18.

When I notified Kitty and Patty, Kitty had the perfect remembrance:

Our Saturday nights at SETC were always so special. Their twinkling wicked wits, dry humor, and genuine warmth made them such good company. I hope they are together teasing, needling and ribbing one another at this very moment. I’ll picture them that way for sure.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

I am in Point Clear this week. I had dinner at the Wash House and ordered a piece of pecan pie and a Brandy Alexander for dessert. Two ladies at a table across from me asked what I was having. The Wash House pecan pie needed no explanation, but I explained that the Brandy Alexander was in honor of a couple of friends who had recently passed away, that we always ended our meals together with a Brandy Alexander and that one of those special meals had been at the Wash House.

“What were their names?” asked one of the ladies. When I told their names, the ladies raised their glasses in unison.

“Here’s to Janet and Russell,” they said. Janet and Russell would be pleased.